» Random Stuff

“Aiyoh Auntie, reverse lar!”

Due-East — Tue, 08 Jun 2010 17:56:08 +0000

Check out this awesomely entertaining video of a guy in Malaysia (I think…) as he waits not-so-patiently for a woman to back her Lexus up into a parking space!

Nobody concentrates harder than old Chinese ladies

Due-East — Wed, 02 Apr 2008 14:57:38 +0000


I found the video below on blog.howma.com and had to post about it because of how awesome it is. Yeah, it’s pretty cool how well the guy in the video dances, but the real story is the old lady on the couch behind him…

If you had a guy in your living room wearing a suit coat with no shirt, pajama bottoms, and slippers, and he was dancing all up in ya face like MC Hammer, you’d probably laugh hysterically, right? Or you’d glance up once in a while to watch for a few seconds, right? At the very least, you’d giggle or something. I think most Westerners would. But not old Chinese ladies! The one in the video just keeps on knitting/sewing/doing-whatever-she’s-doing and pays absolutely no attention to the guy whatsoever. It’s like the he isn’t even in the room! I don’t think it’s possible to concentrate any harder than that. And that’s why if I ever find myself in a tag-team Operation competition, I’m taking an old Chinese lady as my partner.

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Things the Chinese invented…

Due-East — Fri, 22 Feb 2008 21:50:05 +0000

I’ve joked before about how many things the Chinese invented, but I didn’t really know what all they had invented. I mean, a few things I knew, but for the most part, I was clueless as to what all we use in our lives that the Chinese came up with. So I did a little searching and found that Wikipedia has an incomplete but pretty good list. Here it is, for better or for worse…

Battens in cloth
Belt drives
The blast furnaces
Bituminous coke
Cast iron
The chain drive
The repeating crossbow
The escapement mechanism
The exploding cannonball
The fire arrow
Firearms
Fireworks (not Adobe Fireworks, the real thing)
Gun powder
The horse collar
Hulk compartments/Bulkheads
The kite
Land mines
The lottery
Noodles
Paper
The pound lock
Woodblock printing and movable type
The multistate rocket
The rudder
The sailing carriage
The seismometer
Silk (ok, technically they didn’t INVENT it, but you get the point…)
The sluice gate
Stirrups
The toothbrush
Toilet paper
The trebuchet
The trip Hammer
The wig
The wheelbarrow
The winnowing machine

And here are some inventions that, according to Wikipedia, “are considered by various authors to have been first discovered, discovered contemporaneously with other civilizations, discovered separately after other civilizations, or simply used by the Chinese:”

The abacus (first appearance: Mesopotamia, 2400 BC. First certain appearance in China: 12th century AD) – Is it just me, or is this a pretty huge difference in time???
Armillary sphere (invented by the Greek Eratosthenes), with the world’s first water-powered armillary sphere by Zhang Heng
Various automata
Bellows
The compass (wet and dry)
Camera obscura
The cannon
Chain pumps
Crossbows
Drydocks
Flamethrowers
Flash locks
Early explosive grenades
The Odometer (also by Archimedes and Heron of Alexandria)
Paddle wheels for boats
Paper money
Parachutes
Pontoon bridges
Porcelain
The postal system
The saw
Segmental arch bridges
Star catalogues
Tea
Teeth (I’m pretty sure this one doesn’t belong on the list, guys)
Collapsible umbrellas
Vaccinations
The water clock
The water wheel (also of Greco-Roman tradition)
Windmills

That’s a lot of stuff…

‘splosions ‘n’ bulletproof glass

Due-East — Wed, 05 Dec 2007 18:45:45 +0000

Have you ever wondered if bulletproof glass could withstand an attack from a rocket propelled grenade? Believe it or not, I have. But I don’t exactly have the budget to buy those things for testing purposes, so I’m glad someone tested for me. Here’s a video from a Japanese TV show showing the results of said test. I’m not sure what language the army guys are speaking in the video (it sounds like Vietnamese or maybe Thai?), but I’m curious. If you happen to know, leave a comment. Regardless, my curiosity has been satisfied.

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“Yellow Fever”

Due-East — Thu, 27 Sep 2007 13:46:44 +0000

You know you’ve noticed it yourself. Couples of mixed Asian and white descent are 99-times-out-of-100 white guys with Asian girls. It’s a statistical “fact” (quotes because I just pulled the statistic out of my nose with no research whatsoever). But why? What’s the deal with that? Why don’t you see more Asian guys with white girls? It bothers a lot of people, and I’ve seen/heard Asian guys complain, “White guys are stealing our women. Leave our women alone.” The whole “our women” versus “your women” thing is asinine to me, but I do have to admit that I’ve noticed the dating disparity myself. It’s extremely rare that I see a white girl with an Asian guy.

Instead of just complaining about the situation and perpetuating racism, a few college students at UC San Diego decided to take an honest look at the situation and came up with a hilarious short film on the subject. It’s quite possibly one of the wittiest and most entertaining things I’ve seen in a long time. It’s definitely better than anything coming out of Hollywood these days. Check it out below.

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Entertaining, no? If you don’t think so, you have no sense of humor. Their outtakes and bloopers video is below.

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You can check out their other video offerings at their website, Wong Fu Productions. And if you’re curious about what Phil’s T-shirt says…it says 百人看不懂 (white people can’t read this), and you can buy one here.

Train wrecks and Chinese kisses

Due-East — Tue, 14 Aug 2007 14:05:23 +0000

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I was surfing Youtube yesterday and came across a great music video by a Chinese singer named Michael Wong (光良). It’s very sweet in its sentiment, and the song is nice, too, if you like romantic ballads. But about 2:45 into the video, there’s a kissing scene so awkward that it almost made me shudder. It’s a really bad kiss. It looks more like two trains colliding or like they’re engaging in some kind of facial shoving contest rather than kissing, and it’s about the most un-romantic thing I’ve ever seen (and I’m not talking about the fact that her nose starts bleeding during their kiss). Some people just aren’t good kissers, I suppose.

But when I think back to all of the Chinese movies I’ve watched over the years, I can’t recall a single good kiss in any of them. Pretty much all of the kisses I’ve seen in Chinese movies are of the clumsy face-crash sort. But I’m not sure why that is. I know that Chinese culture isn’t big on public displays of affection, so maybe it’s just that no matter how good the actors and actresses are, they just can’t get past the cultural taboo of kissing in front of dozens of people when they’re filming a kissing scene. Despite the fact that I haven’t seen one good kiss in a Chinese movie, I tend to highly doubt that an entire culture of people would be bad at kissing. That sounds too much like a generalization or stereotype to make me comfortable. So there has to be some other explanation for this.

I’ve never kissed a Chinese girl, and I’m not Chinese, so I can’t comment on the ugly on-screen kiss phenomenon and whether it reflects real-life kisses. Maybe someone reading this blog can help enlighten me. If you have a good idea as to why all on-screen kisses in Chinese movies stink (or if you know of a good one in a particular movie), let me know by posting a comment.

Is this my future? Please forcibly shave me bald if I start doing this.

Due-East — Thu, 09 Aug 2007 16:00:43 +0000

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Ah, yes, the ever-present comb-over. I think in probably every culture in every time period ever, men have employed this tricky little technique to fool ~~other people~~ themselves into thinking that they’re not losing their hair. Most people aren’t so good at it, but one guy in Japan is a master. Check out the video above (if you haven’t already). I’m losing my hair too, albeit slowly, so if I ever start doing a bad comb-over, someone please just shave me bald in my sleep. Because no matter how good it looks, it’s still a comb-over and still sad…

Spotlight on 旺福 (Wang Fu)

Due-East — Tue, 07 Aug 2007 19:54:31 +0000

I love this band’s sound so much that I thought I’d introduce my readership [of 4 people] to them. This is 旺福 (Wang Fu/Won Fu), a Taiwanese band whose sound ranges from a sort of big band/swing sound to a 50s/60s rock sound to a modern rock sound to (strangely) a sort of kids-party-songs kind of sound. They’re a lot more versatile than most of the American bands out there these days. And they’re solid musicians, too. A lot of modern bands just stick to straight power chords and 1-4-5 arrangements, but they seem to use lots of jazz chords and make more complicated arrangements. The vast majority of their songs have ridiculously catchy tunes, which is great except when you don’t know the words to the songs and get them stuck in your head. That’s what happens to me all the time, and misery loves company, so I thought I’d introduce them here.

They have 2 albums, 同名专辑 (Tong Ming Zhuan Ji) and 旺福志 (Wang Fu Zhi). Both are excellent, and while I think 同名专辑 has more good songs on it, 旺福志 is well worth buying. If I can find some good mp3s of their songs, I’ll post them. Until then, try watching the video below. You’ll notice the singer in the picture (in the turquoise) isn’t the same girl singing in the video. The girl in the video has left the band because she and the guitarist broke up (or at least that’s what I’ve heard).

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You can’t make this stuff up: Chinese Toilet Enema Infomercial

Due-East — Mon, 09 Jul 2007 18:29:19 +0000

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I’ve seen a lot of infomercials in my life (miracle bamboo steamer, Ginsu knives, various types of food storage containers, space-saving storage bags…) but never one like this one. It’s kind of like a bidet with a turbo charger in it. Only instead of cleaning off your bottom, it’s designed to clean out your bottom.

The testimonials are the best part. I imagine they had to talk to a lot of people to find ones willing to talk about how it used to hurt when they were going to the bathroom but how it’s really comfortable now (the first customer) or how squirting water up their rear ends made their skin clearer and made them look more beautiful (the lady customer). I think I’d have to turn down that chance at fame, personally.

I’m waiting for the Japanese to invent a USB heated version of it. If they came out with that, I’d buy one for all of my friends. Ok, not really. But I bet it’s hard to get the proper bum-to-water-jet alignment on the first try. You probably end up with a bruise on one of your cheeks the first few times you use it (cos to clean you out, it’s gotta be pretty powerful). I think maybe I’ll start selling standard garden hoses with spray nozzles in China for just a few kuai cheaper and undercut these guys. You can adjust the power by just adjusting the water pressure. I’ll be RICH!

Link to YouTube video

Vintage Chinese posters for sale

Due-East — Thu, 05 Jul 2007 21:07:55 +0000

I came across an interesting site that sells old Chinese advertising posters like the one above. If you’re a sinophile like I am (or even if you’re not), you may want one (or more) to adorn your otherwise barren walls at your home or office. If not, I don’t like you.

Link to site