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Archive for January, 2007

From international fat joke to TV show host!

孙智谦 on 31 Jan 2007

You may recognize the guy above as the Chinese kid whose face has been Photoshopped into nearly every famous image, movie poster, and random photograph in history in the past several months. If not, you can see his face on the picture from the “Chinese Banshee” post (for the record, that was the best angle I could find for a Chinese kid; I wasn’t looking for him specifically). Note the marked difference between his expression in the previous pictures you’ve seen him in and this one. Why the smile? Because he’s taking a pretty mean fat joke and turning it into success. According to CRIEnglish’s website, he’s now got his own TV show about Chinese cuisine. Oh, and his own fan site. This kid is my hero!

So I’m developing a method of getting famous, and here’s what I have so far.

Have my picture taken by a complete stranger without my knowledge.
Have my picture Photoshopped ad nauseum in a humiliating way.
???
???
Profit!!!1!!!eleven!!!

Ricense to Kirr…

孙智谦 on 30 Jan 2007

AFP Photo: Hory mory! Casino Royare!!!

Well, China managed to hold out 45 whole years, but they’ve finally given in to formulaic Hollywood entertainment at its “best”: They’re getting James Bond films. Casino Royale (which is actually much better than all previous James Bond films) is now playing in a theater near Yu. Get it? Yu? It’s like You, but it’s spelled like a Chinese last name! Get it? (groans from the readers) So now China will get a huge dose of James Bond favorites like:

Thousands upon thousands of bullets being shot at James Bond by dozens of highly-trained marksmen, all missing.
Minor bad guys who go down for the count from a single chop to the neck or punch to the nose and major villains who can apparently only be rendered unconscious by/die from major falls (greater than 100 feet) or their own creative weapons somehow being used against them.
Really, really bad attempts at witty quips after said villian dies.
Childish innuendo tied to nearly every female name in every movie (I can see the surname Wang getting lots of unfortunate play here).
sex, sex, and more sex.
And more!

The Yahoo! News article talks about the possibility of a Chinese woman playing the Bond girl. Umm…okay, well, technically she’s Malaysian (but what do you round-eyes know?), but doesn’t anybody remember Michelle Yeoh? She was a Bond girl (or at least a co-Bond girl) a couple films back. Dork journalists.

[sarcasm] In short, congratulations on your new entertainment, China! [/sarcasm]

Link to article.

Gong Li’s boobs may have injured a child in China - his mother is not yet sure.

孙智谦 on 29 Jan 2007

Gong Li's cleavage springs to life on screen

Zhang Yimou’s use of rich colors and gorgeous scenery (remember Hero from 2002?) in his movies has earned him a lot of fame, and he’s probably China’s most famous director (overseas, anyway). You could call him China’s King of Color. But his newest movie, Curse of the Golden Flower, is starting to make him look more like the King of Cleavage in China than anything else, and some people are pretty ticked about it. I haven’t seen the movie myself, but apparently there are quite a few chest-butts on display. If you’re American, you may think it’s not a big deal, but keep in mind that China is still in a lot of ways a very conservative nation, although that awesome set of values is being completely ruined by westernization. So, unlike Americans, the Chinese as a whole don’t want their five-year-old kids being exposed to 94.2% of Gong Li’s boobs. People are pretty upset. For example, Chinese moviegoer Ding Yunxia took her five-year-old son to the movie and had to cover his eyes with her own hands, saying:

“I told him to do so with his own hands but he wouldn’t. I’m not sure how much of those shiny white breasts rubbed off his eyes.”

What the heck did she mean by the whole “rubbed off his eyes” thing? Were they watching it in 3D Touch-O-Vision?! Should I start wearing armor to the movies? A jock strap, perhaps? I shudder to think of all the movies I’ve seen with knives and other sharp implements in them! I could’ve lost an eye, or something worse…I’ll have to write a strongly-worded letter to the MPAA and make sure they include “Possible bodily harm to viewers” to the list of things that they look for when they rate movies.

It wouldn’t be a big deal if China had a rating system for their films like so many other countries do. But they don’t, so people don’t necessarily know what to expect when things are released. And the fact that there were posters put up around primary schools urging young people to go see the movie to support China’s domestic movie industry kind of made it worse. Oops. I can only imagine the spike in demand for optometrists that’s about to hit China…

Link to article.

Banshee found in China!

孙智谦 on 26 Jan 2007

A Chinese court has ordered a 4-year-old boy’s father to pay $230 in compensation to the owner of hundreds of dead chickens because apparently the boy’s screaming killed them. The banshee boy was with his dad delivering bottles of gas (I’m sorry, did you say gas?) to a house in a village in Jiangsu province last summer when a barking dog freaked the kid out. Witnesses said he did what any self-respecting offspring of evil banshees would do and bent over by the henhouse window and screamed for a really long time. Unfortunately, this is where the story loses its coolness. The kid’s screaming didn’t actually outright kill the chickens; it was more like they were all freaked out by his screaming, so they trampled each other to death…not quite as cool, but still sort of a cool power to have!

Link to article.

Masi Oka gets robbed at the Golden Globes

孙智谦 on 24 Jan 2007

Photo courtesy Paul Drinkwater/NBC

If you’ve seen the show Heroes on NBC, you should immediately recognize the guy in the picture above as Hiro Nakamura, played by Masi Oka. And you’ll agree that he’s by far the most entertaining character on the show. If you don’t agree, repeatedly hit yourself in the head with a hammer until either you do agree or fall unconscious so you don’t realize you don’t agree. Because he’s by far the best character on the show.

I found a great article on MSNBC about how badly he was robbed when he didn’t win the Golden Globe for “Actor in a Supporting Role — Series, Mini-Series or Television Movie”. I completely agree with Helen A.S. Popkin (the author of the article). Sure, Jeremy Irons has been around and acting for a really long time, but Masi Oka brings a really special quality to this character, and I don’t think any other actor on earth could play the part with as much boyish charm as he does. It’s as if the character were created with him in mind. He really stands out as the only character in the show that’s actually glad and excited to have such awesome abilities. He deserved the award hands-down. And to think that acting isn’t really even his first job (He also works on special affects for Lucasfilm) makes him even more of a shoe-in for the award.

Stupid academy (or whatever you call the body of complete stiffs that decide who gets what award). It bugs me that they always seem to prefer the most stuffy, serious of programs. Is there something wrong with fantasy? Have they all forgotten what it’s like to be a kid who dreamed of having super powers and saving the world? Apparently so. Like Noel Gallagher says, “While we’re living, the dreams we have as children fade away.”

Link to MSNBC article. - Warning: It has plot spoilers if you haven’t watched Heroes.

Click here to vote for Hiro as your favorite character on the show.

China’s manners blitz.

孙智谦 on 23 Jan 2007

About 45,000 Shanghai cabs are about to be fitted with ’spit sacks’. Why, you ask? Because hawking lugeys is a really popular activity in China’s public places. And with Shanghai’s being pretty much China’s most advanced city (on the mainland, anyway), the authorities decided it would be a good idea if people could clean up their manners. This is especially important since Shanghai is supposed to host the 2010 World Expo; a lot of people think China is still a backwards country, so it has a lot riding on the world’s perception of it when the 2010 World Expo roll around. I showed someone pictures of Shanghai’s skyline recently, and she remarked that she didn’t realize China had cities like that. Ouch. How important is this perception to the Chinese government? This important: there actually exists a Shanghai Patriotic Sanitation Committee. Wow.

Even more pressing is the need to clean up the manners of Beijingers ahead of the 2008 Summer Olympics. Beijing Olympics organizers have pointed out to the Chinese government multiple times that they need to teach their citizens: to stand in line instead of bum-rushing whatever point it is that has what they want, to stop spitting all over the place, to stop littering, and to “generally be better mannered.” Maybe they should work on teaching people not to vigorously pick their noses at dinner tables and on public transportation as well. That may help a bit, too.

Ok, in defense of the Chinese, awareness is a big step. Once you’re aware of your problems as a society, you can make the needed changes. And with the historic adaptability of the Chinese, I’m sure they’ll do just fine.

Link to Reuters article.

Once again…inLove’s 冒險 Realm

孙智谦 on 18 Jan 2007

I know I’ve already posted about this band before, but I want to say again how much I love their music. InLove is the perfect name for this band because I couldn’t help but fall in love with their music upon first listen. To be sure, this isn’t so much music to be listened to as it is music to wrap yourself up in on cold, lonely nights. Although I don’t understand the majority of their lyrics (My Mandarin is spotty, and my Cantonese is pathetic at best), the music itself conjures up in my mind images of relaxing in a warm, dimly-lit cafe with close friends or loved ones, enjoying a cup of the best tasting tea or hot chocolate I’ve ever had in my life. The conversation is smooth and eloquent, peaceful and fulfilling. This is powerful music.

我知道我已经发表过有关这个乐团的文章,但是我想说的是,我真的非常喜欢他们的音乐, InLove 真是个完美的乐团名称因为一听到他们的音乐,我都无法自拔地爱上他们,那种音乐不单只是音乐,而是一种能让你在孤单的夜晚感觉温暖,虽然大部分的歌词我都不太懂(我的中文学地零零散散的,我的广东话也是很惨),音乐的本身让我在内中勾画出一幅”释放”的景象:和三五好友或是喜欢的人聚在一间温暖的微暗咖啡厅,享受一杯我从来没喝过的,最美味的茶或热巧克力,然後我们的对话很顺畅,我们有说不完的话题,充满着安详,这音乐真是棒这是我对此张专辑的小小评论

我知道我已經發表過有關這個樂團的文章,但是我想說的是,我真的非常喜歡他們的音樂, InLove真是個完美的樂團名稱因為一聽到他們的音樂,我都無法自拔地愛上他們,那種音樂不單只是音樂,而是一種能讓你在孤單的夜晚感覺溫暖,雖然大部分的歌詞我都不太懂(我的中文學地零零散散的,我的廣東話也是很慘),音樂的本身讓我在內中勾畫出一幅”釋放”的景象:和三五好友或是喜歡的人聚在一間溫暖的微暗咖啡廳,享受一杯我從來沒喝過的,最美味的茶或熱巧克力,然後我們的對話很順暢,我們有說不完的話題,充滿著安詳,這音樂真是棒這是我對此張專輯的小小評論

If you’d like to learn more about them, here are some useful links:

Blogspot Page

MySpace Page

Streetvoice Page

Yep, westernization is ruining Chinese morals…

孙智谦 on 16 Jan 2007

This makes me want to vomit until I have no insides left. The rapid westernization of China, while it certainly has its good points, is absolutely ruining China’s morals. China’s traditional cultural values advocate abstaining from sexual relations until after marriage, one of the things that I’ve always loved about Chinese culture. But the wholesale export of Western culture and “values” has turned China’s youths, both male and female, into a bunch of little sluts.

According to a recent survey, over fifty percent of China’s high school students think that there’s nothing wrong with a one night stand, and “an overwhelming majority” of girls wouldn’t refuse if their boyfriends demanded sex. According to the Reuters article, 1300 girls were asked if they would have sex if their boyfriends asked for it, and only six gave a defnite “no” as an answer. ONLY SIX. And if that weren’t bad enough, according to the article over 40 percent of Chinese youths polled said that they didn’t use contraceptives their first time.

Thanks to the so-called progress brought about by westernization and opening up Chinese society, underage girls account for about one-fourth of the 1.5 million abortions performed each year. So that’s 375,000 babies that, according to traditional Chinese culture, should never have been conceived in the first place that are killed each year. 375,000!!!

I certainly don’t discount a lot of the great things that have come from China’s society gradually opening up, but it looks like there’s about to be another Africa on the world scene when it comes to the AIDS epidemic. And no doubt there are going to be a lot more broken hearts and broke homes as the youth of China become more “open-minded” (read: stupid) about sex.

Excuse me. I need to to go weep for China’s lost innocence.

Link to original article.

How to order [Americanized] Chinese food in America…

孙智谦 on 10 Jan 2007

Who doesn’t like food? I love it, and Chinese food is probably my favorite type. Unfortunately, here in the part of America where I live, we don’t get as much of a variety as places with Chinatowns do, but I still love the food. This morning, I came across a good page about how to order [Americanized] Chinese food in restaurants. It’s got a great list of [Americanized] Chinese dishes (because they’re definitely not the same in China) and how to say them in Chinese for anyone who’s interested in learning that kind of thing; It also has a few starter sentences that will help a relative newbie learn to order using complete sentences. Kudos to this guy for putting together such a good page! The site also has some other useful information on learning Chinese, so it’s worth checking out for that reason, as well.

Here’s a link to the page.

“Excuse me…The lady that made this dish…what did she look like?”

孙智谦 on 10 Jan 2007

If you’ve ever studied Chinese, you’ve probably heard of some of the weird and sometimes poetic names the Chinese give their culinary creations. They have good reasons for these names, as it has a lot to do with their cultural identity. But here in America, that cultural identity is lost on most of their customers. So most Chinese restaurants in America dumb-down the names of their dishes so as not to totally freak out their customers. In China, though, where most of their customers actually understand the cultural reasons and subtleties behind the names of the dishes, the names often stay the same. They often directly (word-for-word) translate the Chinese names of their dishes into English, with some pretty funny results. Below are a couple of pictures with their English names directly translated from Chinese without regard for cultural differences.

	This little dish’s name comes out as “Rolling Donkey” when directly translated into English. “Mmmm, I could seriously go for some rolling donkey right now!” In fact, it’s a bean cake served for dessert.

And this picture is of a famous Sichuan dish that is translated “beancurd made by a pockmarked woman” on some menus. “Excuse me. I’d like a dish made by a hot chick, please. Do you have any of those?”