Ah, China. A country of firsts. The first flushing toilet (where’d that idea go since then, guys?), the first to make pasta (or so I’m told), the first to make fireworks…and now the first country to perform not just a penis transplant, but also a penis transplant removal.

I don’t know how I missed the original article (probably because I was on vacation), but there are so many jokes in this story, it’s ridiculous. Apparently, a Chinese man was involved in some sort of accident about 8 months ago, and his penis was severely damaged. Now, I haven’t read anywhere that any other parts of his body were damaged, but I’d love to know (or maybe I wouldn’t?) what this man was doing that caused his penis to be the part that got damaged to the point of needing to be replaced. Articles that I’ve read say that the poor guy has been unable to urinate or have sexual intercourse since the accident, so I can understand his wanting it replaced. You can live without sex, but the whole not being able to pee thing would be really irritating. Ten days after the transplant, he was able to urinate, so I guess you could call it a success.

But then comes the bad part…According to one article, “The patient finally decided to give up the treatment because of the wife’s psychological rejection, as well as the swollen shape of the transplanted penis.” How do you define “psychological rejection”? Was it a, “Oh, that’s gross!” kind of thing, or a “That’s not a penis! I refuse to call it a penis. I refuse to refer to it as anything other than a baked potato,” kind of thing? And the swelling…I’m kind of curious, but not enough to actually want to see a picture. So, the newly-offending member was removed…and thus China became the first country to both transplant and then remove a penis.

I’m sure the patient feels quite self-conscious about the fact that his member is getting so much press. That’s got to be a bit embarrassing. But to make matters worse, the surgery performed to fix his penis is called “a microsurgery.” Ouch.

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